Welcome to Queens Quay 'harbour hood', Mike Strobel

Toronto Sun columnist Mike Strobel, a life-long Scarberian, has moved to a "teensy" apartment on Queens Quay (and misspells it, by the way). He pens a column that pokes a little fun at our neighbourhood while propping up his old hood. We think it's a little disingenuous, the idea of his column, of trying to portray QQ as a latte sipping tony boulevard and Scarborough as hard core.

We say this not with a little knowledge of what it's like to live in Scarborough. Like a lot of QQ residents, we are from outside the neighbourhood, in fact, this author is also a life-long Scarberian who moved downtown more than 10 years ago and in Queens Quay for six years now.

So here's a little fun. A paragraph from his column, a little response from QQL.

Strobel: Being Scarberian is more than geographic. It is a way of life, a state of consciousness akin to being Buddhist or Jewish or Italian or a Leafs fan or left-handed.

QQ: Being a QQer is a lot about geographic, we're south of the Gardiner and north of the water. We are so close to the city, yet close enough to the tranquil trails.

Strobel: You can smell Scarborough from miles away. Curry. Burgers. Dust. Seagulls. Goose poop. Pizza. Jerk chicken. Marijuana. Gunpowder.

QQ: You can smell Queens Quay from miles away, the molasses of the Redpath plant, the exhaust from the Gardiner, the seagulls. French fries. Chinese food outside of Pearl.

Strobel: The dogs are different down here. They wear bows in their hair, even the males, and have names like Felicity or Maximillian.

QQ: Many of these dogs are trapped in a condo all day, and when they are let loose, why not, they must be going stir crazy.

Strobel: Downtown is an entirely different climatic zone. It's downright balmy. All those sidewalk grates and skyscraper vents, I guess.

QQ: Queens Quay is a microclimate within itself. A wind tunnel, and in the summers, a lot cooler than a few blocks north and in the winter, it's wind torn.

Strobel: Downtown, people drive Smart cars. In Scarborough, they shoot Smart cars on sight.

QQ: Actually, on Queens Quay, our vehicles are the Red Rocket, we ride them by the thousands each day, check us out in Union Station.

Strobel: There are more BlackBerrys on one block of Queens Quay alone than there are in all Cliffcrest or Malvern, not counting the ones owned by, ahem, street pharmacists.

QQ: No arguing there, Strobel, gotta check ours now. And there are way more wifi access point but most of us have turned on the WEP encryption.

Strobel: On Queens Quay, everyone runs. They do it in designer tracksuits and Walkmans, or iPods or whatever they're called nowadays, and they drag a designer dog with them. Joggers infest my new neighbourhood, even when an arctic gale howls in from Scarberia, past the hookers on Kingston Rd. and down Lake Shore. Just as Ford F150s infest the east end.

QQ: We like to think that walkers infest the area, not joggers. And we're also runners, not joggers, thank you. And we love this, there are literally dozens of us every 15 minutes on a Saturday or Sunday morning. By the way, plenty of lonely runners in Scarborough, many more hills there.

Strobel: look forward to the influx of tourists to the harbour 'hood in a few weeks. I lived in and around Scarborough most of my life, yet I recall meeting only one tourist. He looked scared and confused. Maybe he was trying to find a restaurant. Fine dining in Scarberia means Swiss Chalet. Which is enough for most of us, but the very thought makes downtown toffs blanch and lose their lunch.

QQ: Actually, there IS a Swiss Chalet on Rees and Queens Quay. And they'll deliver to your teensy apartment. We also look forward to the tourists once the weather turns, it'll make life a lot more busy and a little annoying for transit.

Strobel: And there's a lot less booze. Every bar offers non-alcoholic beer. Even the local grocery sells O'Douls. Scarberians just look at you like you're nuts.

QQ: Actually, there's 1. A beer store 2. Two wine stores and 3) TWO LCBO stores on Queens Quay. We think we have plenty of booze to choose from.

Anyhow, welcome to the neighbourhood Mike Strobel, don't be a stranger and be sure to wave at the runners who pass you by.